Eggs Are Not Steak

I have never been good at ordering in restaurants. I routinely get coerced into ordering 17$ chicken with a side of a lighter to burn more of my money. And tipping? Good lord, I just can't win. Left to my own devices, I would tip away my life savings due to sheer social incompetence. But I get made fun of for it enough that I now tip like that guy in the beginning of "Reservoir Dogs." Far and away the most embarrassing experience I have had at a restaurant, however, was my first time ordering eggs. 

 I suppose it was a learning experience; I now know that eggs are not the same as steak.